Saturday, August 12, 2017

August 12, 2017

Dear Diary,

This summer weather is really wreaking havoc on my sinuses. Dr. Morell says heat is not good for me, but neither is all the dust that's trapped in the blackout curtains on the windows in my cell room. I try my best not to complain because everything I do and say goes into his reports, but the combination of dry air and pet dander has established a booger colony in my nose that just won't quit.

I'm pulling all kinds of green monsters out of both sides and extracting these whoppers isn't easy. It's not as if these are the wet, gooey kind. These are the crusty brownish-green ones. They're pretty much dried up by the time I pull them out, which means they must have been in there since the you-know-what. When I complained to Dr. Morell that I couldn't dislodge them with my finger, he tried to extract them with a pair of needle-nosed pliers, but gave up when his grip kept slipping.

After he left, I did finally manage to wrench one loose, but it took hours of wrestling with my index finger buried up to the second knuckle. I pulled out something that looked like one of those Star Trek aliens. I don't mean the Star Trek with the bald guy or the blind Negro African American. I'm talking about the good old Star Trek, where aliens took the form of really hot chicks that Captain Kirk would pork, and then Spock would hit them with phasers where they'd "shed their human form" and turn out to be giant, slimy boogers with claws and antennas.

Men are such pigs.

Even though it was a totally misogynist TV show, I liked the old Star Trek. I used to watch it with my brothers and loved to see the leggy women crew members throw it around in those short mini-dress uniforms, driving all those horn dogs on the Enterprise crazy. SO yummy. The boys were more interested in Lieutenant Uhura, but where we grew up you couldn't come right out and say it, so they made up all these stories about her "technical sophistication." I don't think anyone was fooled, though. Everyone knew they had jungle fever because their record collections suddenly had fewer Gary Lewis and the Playboys and lots more Kool and the Gang.

I always preferred the waif-like assistants to the evil war lords. They were usually on for one episode, but they had the scantiest outfits that showed off their firm, dimpled tummies. They were usually full-breasted with tiny waists,packed into tight-fitting uniforms. And they all had that "startled fawn" look with big brown eyes and full, pouty lips. Of course, I was younger so I didn't question why people would dress for work that way, but it came in really handy when Huma joined the team.

God, she was so good. So willing. So....firm.

Well at least I had some success yesterday and hopefully my sinuses will clear in a few weeks. Now all I need is a washcloth for my face and a chisel for my finger.

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