Dr. Morell says that I've reached his prescription limit, so for the time being, I'm going to put the whole idea of Carrot Head's
Sometimes, when I have to poop, I like to pretend I'm sitting on a throne. Dr. Morell says it's a healthy practice. For one thing, it helps me deal with the constipation brought on by all those opioids. It also helps me visualize a new reality and give my life some focus. Between you and me, I think it's bringing on a nasty case of hemorrhoids, but nobody has to know about that.
When I'm on the throne, I unroll the toilet paper and pretend I'm reading a proclamation to my courtesans. Sometimes I announce plans and programs to help the
Once I'm done, I wash my hands (you have to sing "Happy Birthday" at least two times to get them really clean) and think about if I could ever venture back into public life. It wouldn't be easy, dear diary. Ever since the you-know-what, people think my hands aren't the only things that are washed up. But today, Chel had her personal assistant call me to see how I was doing, and mentioned that there was a rumor on Spacebook about my running for mayor of New York.
I know, mayor of New York City is a big step down from
Have to run now, diary. But let's keep this a secret just between us. Also, let's not tell anyone about that recurring hemorrhoid. It could be embarrassing.