Sunday, January 8, 2017

January 8, 2017

Dear Diary,

Woke up today feeling fresh and bright! Thinking that it would be a good day to swap out this set of pajamas for some clean ones, seeing as it's been exactly a month since the you-know-what and they're getting a little ripe. I've always preferred men's pajamas to those frilly little numbers you see in the Victoria Secret catalogs.

Men's pajamas are less drafty and to be perfectly honest, I look better in a poly-cotton nocturnal pants suit than I do trying to pass myself off as a Shrek-looking wood nymph.  I'm also not fond of the way silk nighties feel against my skin.  Too slippery. But I can see how for some women, with silky, soft skin and a slender, firm physique, a satin teddy probably works.

I miss Huma.

Anyway, I think I overheard someone in the hallway talking about how those idiots I bribed in the FBI or the CIA have finally uncovered some Russian hanky-panky going on with the you-know-what.  I always knew we couldn't trust the Soviets and secretly, I always thought Mitt Romney was right about them back when Obozo slammed him for it in 2012.  The Russkies won't be satisfied until American school children are pledging allegiance to the Kremlin, but Mr. "I'm-so-sophisiticated-and-know-so-much-more-than-everyone-else" basically bitch-slapped Romney into oblivion on that one.

That Romney character is really a piece of work. Who does their hair like that? I haven't seen white wings like that since they cancelled The Sopranos.  I loved that show. They should bring it back, except that the guy who played Tony dropped dead a few years ago, so they'd have to write around that part to make it work. I was thinking they should bring in a new character. Someone nobody would ever suspect.  Tell me what you think of this, dear diary:

All of the Mafia family leaders drive in from all over New York and New Jersey to decided who's going to be the "capo de tutti capi" (that means "the captain of all the captains -- I Googled it).  They send out for sub sandwiches and meet all day long, but can't come up with a person they can agree on.  Then, suddenly, the doors open and -- get this, you'll really love it -- a woman from Arkansas strides in and becomes their new leader!

How unexpected is that?  A woman! Yeah, I thought so, too.

And when the Mafia guys see her, there's a big party, with a faux glass ceiling that shatters over everyone's heads.  There are fireworks over Long Island and Rachel Maddow starts crying on MSNBC as she reports the news.

Then, of course, the new leader kills everyone who was disloyal to her.

Gotta run, dear diary.  This is gold!!! I have to get this all typed up while my Lithium levels hold steady.


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