Friday, January 13, 2017

January 13, 2017

Dear Diary,

I am beside myself!  Even Dr. Morell says he's rarely seen me this upset, and he was there on the evening of the you-know-what when I drank more than a lady should and beat the crap out of Podesta before marching him out there in front of the peasants my supporters to announce the results.  Boy, I was flying that night, let me tell you.   I'm pretty sure I punched Bill in the gut and destroyed a few paintings on the hotel room wall, but I can't be sure because Dr. Morell jammed a needle in my arm and it was lights out after that.

Today, though, I'm really steaming because Joe Biden and Obozo got some medals while I sit here in my Hello Kitty pajamas with, as the Jews say, "bupkis." Nothing.

I can understand Obozo giving himself a medal.  Those people like shiny things and uniforms.  Every one of them, from Marcus Garvey to Michael Jackson, loved to dress up in uniforms even though none of them every joined the army.  Hell, Obozo is one of the biggest slackers I know.  To this day I'll never understand how those Norwegians or Eskimos or whatever gave him a Nobel prize. The guy didn't even do anything.  He just stood there, pretending to be a Kennedy and those idiot pushed a trophy into his arms.  I can only imagine what he did with the money.  Probably bought a Cadillac.  They love those.

What really frosts my ass is Obozo giving Joe Biden a medal. For what -- not getting arrested for molestation? You know what everyone calls him behind his back?  Creepy Joe.  I'm not kidding, if there's a woman or a child in the room, that perv has his hands all over them.  Oh, he pretends to be all touchy feely when it comes to "being compassionate," but with Joe, it's lots more feely than anything else -- especially if you're really stacked.

Of course, he's always avoided me, so I can't speak from personal experience, but someone who I can't name (a woman!) told me that one time, when her "very powerful husband" was making a speech, Creepy Joe was standing behind to her, trying to look important.  Next thing she knew, she felt a clammy, moist hand under her skirt and sliding into her panties.  Her "very important husband" didn't see a thing, and she couldn't do anything, because they were on live television.  Right about the time the "very powerful husband" was rambling on and on about Syria and Putin and ISIS, Creepy Joe grabbed her butt and stuck his finger in her pooper!  He just left it in there for like five minutes.  Gross!

I know, I couldn't believe it, either. But apparently, it's true!  And she just stood there, showing off her triceps and trying to stay calm.  I guess Creepy Joe goes for the dark stuff. Kind of like Bill.

I can't speak for everyone.  Most people eat up all those crocodile tears and bromance stuff like it was chocolate cake with icing.  All I know is that I would never get near Creepy Joe, let alone give him a medal.  Other than kiss a lot of keisters and scare a lot of kids, he never really did anything.

And I'm pretty sure he doesn't wash his hands.

Subscribe for each day's entry by Email!