Monday, January 16, 2017

January 16, 2017

Dear Diary,

Had a good day yesterday.  Well, at least I was able to keep my tuna fish sandwich down at lunch time.  Lately, I've been upchucking a bit, which Dr. Morell says is normal when switching out meds. I do what I can to keep things tidy, but with projectile vomiting, there's only so much you can do.

As a senior statesperson (calling myself a "statesperson" is my contribution to shattering that glass ceiling), I have to question why so many Congresspeople (See what I did there? I did it again!) are planning to boycott Carrot Head's coronation inauguration.  There comes a time when we have to be patriots, no matter how much we hate the knuckleheads and their slut bitch wives who take control are elected to office.  We are, after all, Americans first and acceptors of donations tools of the arabs political opponents second.

There's room for everyone in America, especially domestic workers who will work for cash and do windows.  I know that when I hired Bessie, she was an undocumented migrant who only wanted to improve her life. She was originally from Alabama, I think, and moved here with no papers.  This did not make her an "undesirable" in my eyes -- quite the contrary.  Bessie moved here to seek a higher standard of living, and since she works for cash, neither she nor I pay withholding tax to the government, so we're both getting a good deal!  Of course, I don't seem to have as many sterling silver place settings as I used to, but Bessie says that's because some sets are out getting cleaned.

Anyway, when I first heard that Congresspeople were planning to boycott Carrot Head's event, I have to admit I was a little thrilled, because it's really a not-so-subtle declaration of support for guess who?  That's right!  Me.  I kept thinking of Sally Field and how all of them really like me! Oh, they can't actually come out and say that, because, you know, that would make them look like bad sports.  But you and I know, dear diary, that my public hasn't forgotten me.  By not showing up, I know that what Congresspeople are really saying is "We want Hillaboo!" -- that's what my closest supporters used to call me.  Hillaboo.

You know who liked to call me Hillaboo? Huma. And Vince. Ron Brown, not so much.  But he wasn't really my type.  Too dark.

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