Tuesday, January 24, 2017

January 24, 2017

Dear Diary,

Today I am filled with hope!  And I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining it, because I'm all out of blue pills and the Fireball I had hidden under the bed has been empty for a week.  I'd bet next week's Saudi contribution paycheck Bessie was nipping at it, but I have to confess it helped me get through a terrible few weeks there, so I know I caught my limit, so to speak.

In any case, I was heartened by watching Carrot Head's first days at the controls in office, because it's beginning to look like everyone except for that Obozo character gets destroyed by the press over the silliest things.  This week, it seems as if everyone is talking about "alternate facts," which apparently has to do with the way Carrot Head sees things versus the way the media likes to make shit up see them.

I think it started when Sean Spicer got all itchy over the way the media reported the number of peasants people attending the coronation inauguration.  The press said there were hardly any people there and Spicer said there were a whole lot of people there, it just depends on when you were taking photographs and counting.

This makes SO much sense to me!

The same EXACT thing happened to me during the you-know-what.  I kept telling everyone that whole Benghazi thing was the towel heads' reaction to a YouTube video, but everyone jumped all over me because THEY thought it was another 9-11 terror attack.  Well, dear diary, you and I know this is just a matter of "alternate facts," so you really can't blame me for ignoring Chris Steven's frantic calls for help.  After all, if I remember correctly, it was in the middle of the night and we'd been out partying pretty hard.  Huma had just finished me off when I think I heard the phone ringing.  She joked about it being another robo-call from Bernie Sanders, so we didn't even answer it.  I honestly couldn't have answered because I for one thing, I was totally wrecked, and for another, spitting out a ball gag is not as easy as it sounds.

Anyway, I now understand that the whole Benghazi thing was just one more media distortion viewed with alternative facts, along with that whole "Clinton Murder list" thing, and that I am, once again, the victim in all of this.  I know if I stay strong, I can wiggle out of accountability eventually people will see the alternate facts of my life and love me for the sociopath whole "good, decent woman" thing that I want them to buy I can be.

I feel so vindicated! The sun is coming out!

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