Wednesday, January 25, 2017

January 25, 2017

Dear Diary,

Feeling very "blah" today.  I think it could be an opioid problem, because I haven't made a number two in quite a while and very little gets me as irritable and lethargic than not pooping for a week.  I know it sounds funny, but this can be upsetting for anyone, not just a victim who won the popular vote me.  In fact, I empathize with all those Indians protesting over that Dakota pipeline thing.

I'm still at odds about that whole Dakota pipeline deal.  All through the you-know-what, I kept saying that when a pipeline is stopped up, nobody feels good about it, but as usual, nobody listens to me.  You don't have to be a genius to figure this stuff out.  I mean, look at all those poor Indian people, huddled in their teepees, freezing their asses off.  They do not look happy to me.

I'm pretty sure that their main problem could be a lack of fiber, because the Indians eat a lot of deer and cattle, which is why they use bow and arrows.  Let's face it, you don't need a bow and arrow to buy a can of peas or a head of lettuce.  Why don't those people eat more Waldorf salads?

During the you-know-what, I met a real Indian and for the life of me, I have no idea how he could have been called Running Deer.  This fellow must have stood five foot six and tipped the scales at 300 pounds, easy.  He wasn't running anywhere.  In fact, he just buzzed around in a little motorized scooter, wearing a cowboy hat and munching on a Big Mac. He did, however, have some fine-looking turquoise jewelry that I tried to steal buy for three dollars.  I figure if Manhattan could be bought for a few bucks, a ring shouldn't cost much, but he wouldn't hear of it. He just handed me a bucket of nickels and pointed at the slot machine in the lobby.

Anyway, I certainly hope Carrot Head does the right thing for those poor Indian types.  I know that if I were queen in charge, one of the first things I'd do is air drop boxes of Metamucil over that area.  You know, to get things moving again.

That's just the kind of person I am. A golden ray of sunshine.

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