Saturday, February 4, 2017

February 4, 2017

Dear Diary,

I am dreading this weekend.  Bessie has asked for time off because Sunday is the Super Bowl and she likes to celebrate with friends while watching the game. Rather than listen to her grumbling about "whitey staying in her pajamas all day," I decided to give her the day off, which means I have to decide whether or not to take one or two of the red capsules, or simply stick with the blue pills.  I kind of prefer the capsules.  They're easier to swallow and even though the blue pills at better at reducing the seizures, they tend to give me blasts of diarrhea.  Without Bessie here, that's probably not such a good idea.

I haven't really been following football this year.  Especially after the you-know-what, when I was a complete train wreck, football simply lost all its appeal for me.  Heck, who am I kidding?  Everything lost all its appeal for me, and football was pretty low on the list to begin with.  All those muscle-knotted steroid cases running circles around each other on Astroturf doesn't do it for me.  You ever tried bouncing a football?  Talk about stupid. Why would you even call that a ball? Those two pointy ends make it wobble uncontrollably from side to side. I remember one time in the Senate, we rolled a football down the hallway and Mitch McConnell yelled, "Hey, that looks just like Nancy Pelosi walking away!"  Mitch is a real prick, but when it comes to that bitch, I'll laugh at anything.

If there's one thing good about the Super Bowl, it's that it gets Bill out of the house for a good six hours, which gives me plenty of time to go through the stuff on his laptop. You wouldn't believe the stuff I found last year.  He thinks he's so smart, but I guessed his password (it's "MonicaCigar92").  As you might imagine, his browser history begins and ends with PornHub.  Not like that was a big surprise. Duh.  He's also into photography.  Lots of pictures of women.  Some of them are really pretty, but most are kind of fat.  And young. I like the ones wearing Catholic girl school uniforms best.

I miss Huma.

Anyway, while everyone else will be watching the game and the commercials and the half-time show, I'm going to be streaming an all-woman version of "Bridges of Madison County" with a bottle of Hennesey and two boxes of Kleenex by my side.

I'll be alone in the house.  It will be good for me  I haven't had a could a good cry since Thursday.


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