Monday, February 6, 2017

February 6, 2017

Dear Diary,

With everyone out of the house yesterday watching some football game, I was finally able to take a Me day.  Sometimes, a girl's just got to take some time to pamper herself with nobody else around, just to make herself feel a little special.  Since Bill had reservations at Hooters and Bessie was out catting around somewhere north of 103rd street, I had several hours to focus on my own needs.

First thing I did was run a steamy hot bath filled with lots of bubbles.  I always enjoyed bubble baths.  They remind me of when I was a little girl and my mom would gently lower me into the tub.  "There, there," she'd comfort me. "The swelling will go down soon."  My goodness, that was over fifty years ago and I remember it as if it were yesterday.  The loving way she'd hold my head under water was her way of encouraging me to become the first female member of Seal Team Six.  She was always a positive influence on me.

I don't have one of those music playing telephones, so I stacked up a bunch on Johnny Mathis records on the hi-fi and cranked up the volume so that I could hear "Chances Are" all the way from the living room.  I love Johnny Mathis.  Most people don't know he's a raging homo, which I don't mind.  I think it's kind of funny how millions of kids used to make out in the back seat of their fathers' cars never knowing they were being egged on by a flamer.  Life is strange that way, isn't it?

Next thing I did was gather up a bunch of candles and place them all around the tub.  I love the warm glow of candlelight.  It's so calming and romantic. The more candles, the better!  I must have lined up about a hundred of them!  By the time they were all lit up, the bathroom looked like a Stevie Nicks concert (before she had the facelift). What happened to her, anyway?  One minute she was a childlike gypsy and the next she was sort of a prune wrapped in black lace.  What a shame. I heard she was kind of a whore and slept with anyone who looked at her longer than ten seconds, but she's not my type at all.

Finally, it was time to jump in the bubble tub, which meant I had to peel off my pajamas.  I have to be honest with you here, diary, they were pretty ripe and the footsies were making my eyes water.  I hadn't changed them in about six weeks and in their condition they probably could have walked themselves to the hamper. Yuck.  I kicked them under the toilet for Bessie to deal with.

The bad news is that I lined the tub with so many candles that I had to sort of jump over them to get into the tub.  Unfortunately, Jack wasn't so nimble and I singed more than a few hairs on my private server, if you get my drift.  Ouch!  Oh well.  Like Mom said, the swelling will go down soon.  I sure hope so. I'm almost out of Neosporin.

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