Tuesday, February 7, 2017

February 7, 2017

Dear Diary,

What a wonderful night's rest I had! Dr. Morell told me that those blue pills shouldn't be taken on an empty stomach, so I downed a few with three shots of Jack Daniels just to soften their landing. It was a lot better than that Chai Tea that got my eyes rolling into the back of my head back during the you-know-what.  I barely remember Bessie tucking me in.  Everything else is pretty fuzzy after that.

It must have been pretty late, because I could hear Bill watching Chris Matthews on TV and there's no mistaking Chris's high, whiny voice.  I used to watch Chris on MSNBC with the sound turned down, because he's like the Neil Young of mainstream news.  Every word out of his mouth sounds like an alley cat in heat, which is like nails on a blackboard to me. I used to like Neil Young's music when Nicolette Larson sang "Lotta Love," but then she died when her brain exploded, so since then I just watch Chris with subtitles and turn up the K.D. Laing.

That "Lotta Love" song got me thinking about this whole "Sanctuary city" movement, which I think is a grand idea.  In fact, I like the idea of sanctuary states, where just about anyone can ignore all kinds of Federal laws and regulations if enough illegals citizens vote for it.  If Carrot Head really wanted power to go back to the states, nothing says "Fuck you" to the Feds louder than a sanctuary statute.  That's one big middle finger to the forehead.

If I were queen empress president, I'd make the whole empire country a sanctuary.  I'd let every hairy, dirty, non-white person in, no matter how bad they smelled, because that's what America is all about.  Who among us didn't immigrate here and eventually learn western hygiene?  My plan, had I won the you-know-what, would have been completely different regarding sanctuaries:

I would have established safe zones within the sanctuary country, where rich, white people could enjoy their lives without any immigrants, except you know, domestics to do their laundry and raise their children and stuff. I'd have instituted a national program where carefully vetted immigrants could travel freely to and from privileged wealthy political candidates these tiny little non-sanctuary areas after being patted down and going through metal detectors.

I think this is very fair, because this way, just about the entire country could be free from the inconvenience of Federal bureaucracy, while tiny little enclaves like Westchester, Holmby Hills, Vail, my neighborhood and Palm Desert -- tiny little places, where they have decent concierge service could not impose their will on the rest of the country.

The best part of my sanctuary plan is that it would save Uncle Sam tons of money, which could be better spent on reviving the Clinton Foundation helping women and children. I'm not too sure how we'd help those women and children, but after all, it takes a village! Even if the village doesn't speak English.

Oprah's on.  Back later.

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