Wednesday, February 8, 2017

February 8, 2017

Dear Diary,

Now that Dr. Morell has cut down the Dexedrine to twice a day, I can focus better and have a better handle on what's going on out there.  I was pretty shocked to hear that Carrot Head nominated Betsy DeVos for heading up the Education department, and have to admit to feeling a little conflicted on this whole thing.

On the one hand, I can stand up on the bed, raise my fist and cheer, "Good for you, Betsy! You shattered the glass ceiling!" But once the Dexies have kicked in, it occurs to me that maybe Betsy might not be the best choice for that job. I have to think on this.

For one thing, she's really rich.  Not just affluent, I mean she's got Benjamins up the yin yang to the tune of billions -- with a B.  And talk about luck:  She not only inherited billions, she married even more!  Totally doubled down on the bank, so in my book, that gets her two points.

Also, she's probably close to 60, but still has really good hair.  I happen to think she pulls off that "casually sexy executive" cut pretty well.  Kind of moppy but every hair still in place. How does she do that?  During the you-know-what, mine kept flattening out, especially in those God-forsaken poverty pits warm, humid states like Mississippi. As I recall, even my wigs refused to go out in that weather.  But little Miss Perfect Betsy doesn't seem to have that trouble. That chick's so rich she can probably buy the weather. Okay, so that's another point on her side.

I don't know who tailors her pants suits, but I definitely need to get the 411 on that, too. Maybe everyone else is right and I really did hire the wrong people.  When Betsy glides into the room, everyone fawns all over her as if she were Loretta Young in that movie where the closer she gets to dying, the better she looks.  Everything is, "Oh, Betsy, let me get you a chair!" or "Oh, Betsy, can I get you a latté?" Jesus, it makes me want to puke.  Nobody ever gets me a latté.  They just spike my Chai Tea and then laugh about it when it goes viral on YouTube.  But credit where credit is due, I guess. So another point for wardrobe.

On the other side of the ledger, she has no experience in education or schools, unless you count those stories about her sorority parties back in college, which nobody can prove because the horse died years ago. Still, the suspicion is enough to deduct one point, and as long as PETA doesn't get wind of it, she should be good to go.

I know I'm probably being a bit harsh, but Betsy is, after all, a woman, and women are judged more harshly than men, so she better get used to some rough treatment.  And I'm talking really rough.  Like when everyone else to choose the horse.

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