Thursday, February 16, 2017

February 16, 2017

Dear Diary,

One thing you have to say about Carrot Head, he moves really fast.  I was just finishing brushing my teeth (every Wednesday, rain or shine!) when I overheard that Benjamin Netanyahu was in town from Israel, making all kinds of nice with Carrot Head about how Israel was back in the saddle now that Obozo is dust.

I'll be honest with you, diary, it was no big secret about how much Obozo hated Jews.  Especially Israelis.  He thought they were pushy and cheap, not to mention having no ability too put together a wardrobe.  He never forgave them for wearing short sleeved shirts and never wearing neckties.  And he hated Netanyahu, because no matter how many times Obozo invited him to a White House dinner, Bibi never once reached for the check.  Obozo used to complain a lot about Bibi a lot.  "I wouldn't have let him pay," he'd whine, "it's just the principle of the thing." Yeah, right.

Obozo knew how to hold on to money, believe me. We were once on a State Department mission to Italy and he totally pissed off everyone in Rome when he stopped the motorcade and backed up Italian traffic for miles just to buy himself a pair of Salvatore Ferragamo shoes.  I guess twelve hundred bucks was okay to burn on footwear, but I don't recall him ever tipping the salesman.  He just swiped his government AMEX card and skipped out of the store, tossing off something about "checking your white privilege" in broken Italian that he'd learned especially for the trip.  I felt it was in very poor taste, but what could I do? The you-know-what was still far away and I had to put on the "I'm a loyal warrior" face.  What a mistake that was....

Anyway, I can tell that Bibi and Carrot Head are going to try to solve that whole Palestinian thing once and for all.  It's either going to be a one-state solution or a two-state solution.  But if you ask me, there's a much better plan which I would have implemented.  I know this sounds radical, but stick with me on this, diary, because nobody else has ever heard this before:

I'd give the arabs Detroit.  I'm not kidding.  It makes a lot of sense, for a lot of good reasons.  First, Detroit already has more arabs than you can aim an Uzi shake a stick at.  Second, most of Detroit already is run down and looks like a third-world battlefield, so they'd feel right at home.  Third, you can bribe, arrest and convict the mayor of Detroit and nobody so much as bats an eye, so in arab terms, you know, it's business as usual.  Fourth, for them the Flint water system is a step up, so I imagine they'd be happy as clams pigs in shit bugs in a rug with just about anything the Michigan infrastructure has to offer.

Finally, a lot of Detroit's bombed-out areas are being snapped up by Chinese investors, who cook with so much oil that you can hardly breath there.  I don't know what those people are frying, but the smell is like a toxic bug spray breath of fresh air that keeps white people miles away improving the neighborhoods.   For example, you no longer see as many wild dogs running in the streets since they moved in.

See how easy that would be, diary?  We could solve the immigration problem, too, by simply shipping them by box car relocating innocent refugees straight to Detroit, where they could settle and lead productive, peaceful lives.  But does anyone ask me?  No. Sigh.

Sometimes I really do believe I'm the only one who's thinking.

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