Friday, February 24, 2017

February 24, 2017

Dear Diary,

This morning I I thought I'd watch a little retro television, but I'd already seen all the reruns of "Bewitched" and "The Addams Family," and since every other channel Dr. Morell allows me to watch was broadcasting the CPAC convention, I decided to see Carrot Head speak for a little while.

Dr. Morell says it's okay for me to watch the news, because most of it is made up anyway, so it's not much different than watching old Looney Tunes cartoons, which I always loved.  All my friends used to love Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, but I was a Porky Pig fan because he never wore pants.  He just ran around in a shirt with nothing else on the bottom.  I've always loved that look.  Kinky!

Watching Carrot Head talk about fake news got me to thinking about this whole First Amendment thing.  Supposedly, the Constitution says we have a right to free speech (I don't know it word for word, but that's sort of the gist of things).  Apparently, you get to say whatever you want and I get to say whatever I want and nobody can sue us.  At least that's the way that moron Podesta explained it to me.  So I don't get what the big deal is.

If you can say whatever you want, why is Carrot Head complaining about "fake news?"  News is news.  It's up to you whether to believe it or not, am I right?  I mean, if you're stupid enough to believe you really would rather hear that I was the one who really won the you-know-what, it's your right to hear about it on CNN or MSNBC.  You should be able to switch the channel and hear the version of reality that you want to hear, not some made-up stories based on fact which has always been the American way.  Freedom of choice!  That's what it's about, diary.  I just wish people were as educated as I am about the law.

God knows I tried to give the great unwashed American voters all kinds of stories.  Sometimes I'd give them several versions of the same story, which I always considered proof of just how generous and accommodating I am.  We must have had at least twenty writers on retainer, each one writing a different story so that anyone could read the one he (or she) liked best. That's wasn't cheap, let me tell you.  PLENTY of the Foundation bribes money donations went straight to our propaganda news department every single day.  See?  That's what freedom of speech is all about, diary.

The troubling thing is that Carrot Head keeps telling the same story over and over.  You never hear him offering up any other options!  That's not free speech!  That's repression!  That's intolerance!  If you only have one version of a story, how are all the blacks, latinos, homosexuals and transgender type of people supposed to vote for you feel?  So it's up to the media to provide those stories for them, right?


I just don't understand what all the fuss is about. What I don't understand is that I've told Bessie a thousand times that I hate powdered sugar on my French toast and she still does it.  And we're all out of Sweet and Low.

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