Thursday, March 2, 2017

March 2, 2017

Dear Diary,

Took the day off from my usual naps with the intention of spending time with the family.  Chel wanted to bring the grandchildren for a visit and even though the younger one always smells like old maple syrup, I agreed to see them for a brief visit.  Dr. Morell says it's healthy to have family around, even if they smell bad, and an extra half Xanax does wonders in those situations.  Those little half-Jews are too busy with Chel to notice if Grandma slumps to the left every once in a while.

You should see my little half-Jew grand-daughter.  She's still quite young, but is already sporting that Rodham "junk in the trunk," as the kids say.  Bill and my own father favored a woman with "mighty haunches for birthin'" so she'll be just fine.  That little boy Jew could be trouble, though.  Every time Chel whips it out for a breast-feeding, that little sucker squirms and fidgets.  He's just not happy until he slips down under her dress.  I have no idea what he does down there, or why Chel permits that kind of behavior, although I do see her eyes glaze over and lose interest in the conversation.  That little one is definitely a chip off the Clinton side.

Anyway, I had Bessie heat up two bottles of baby formula.  Chel likes Pumpkin Spice, but I prefer mine with just a little Sweet and Low.  It was so nice to sit with her and talk about life.  And women's issues.  And how we were going to leverage that whole Russian thing into a big fart of trouble for Carrot Head and his entire crew of Nazis.

Even though I still don't think he's funny, it looks like Al Franken managed to bribe the media trip over enough media to focus on Jeff Sessions, in order to recuse himself from an investigation of the Russians.  Personally, I like Jeff, but  Franken?  OMG, what an attention whore.  When I was a senator, everyone laughed at him, but behind his back.  He was like that kid in high school who was always late for class, dropping paper behind him while pushing his glasses up on his nose.

He's not funny and between you and me, diary, he's dumber than a box of rocks, always trying to impress everyone with his wisecracks. I  tried being nice to him once, but he kept talking throughout the movie and had to be shushed by everyone.  Franken reminds everyone in Congress of Fredo Corleone, when he yells at Michael, "I'm smart! I'm not dumb like everyone says!"  He was constantly making bunny ears behind Paul Ryan during those budget hearings or trying to slip in old bits from "Saturday Night Live" into legislation.  It was SO annoying.  I mean, NOBODY thought it was funny.  Ryan's ears are way big enough, anyway, so where's the humor?

To be honest, Franken's pretty stupid still young by Senate standards.  He has to learn the subtle parts of political humor, like timing and delivery.  For example, you don't just whip out an oversized Reset Button.  You have to pace yourself to get the best effect.

Also, he stands WAY to close when he talks to you, which is bad enough, but he still soaks himself in Drakkar Noir, which is pretty disgusting.  I mean, he's NOT Persian. Whatever.

As far as the Russkies go, I told Chel that having worked with them, I know what to expect from Putin and his crew and none of it's good.  We paid them They were to supposed to fuck things up for Carrot Head stay clear until after the you-know-what, but they fucked us over changed their minds midstream when they figured out we would cost them money and Carrot Head would make them money. That bastard Podesta should have known better.  I mean, they did the same exact thing to Hitler in 1941.  Duh.

When I pointed all this out to Chel, Bessie shook her head and said that Chel and the little half-Jews left about two hours ago, so I guess Dr. Morell still has his work cut out for him, medication-wise.

I have a craving for pickles.  I hope I'm not pregnant.

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