Wednesday, March 22, 2017

March 22. 2017

Dear Diary,

Woke up to hear that someone set off a terror attack close to the House of Commons in London.  My heart goes out to our friends and allies, the British people.  But at the same time, what were those people thinking when they elected a raghead a muslim Sadiq Khan mayor of London?  Tea and cookies?  I've met that Khan character and I can promise you he's no typical English gentleman.  He thinks because he got elected that he's all it. Puh-leeze.  He's only in office because he's related to every second voter in London, those people live in squalor and breed like rabbits he faced very weak competition in the last election.

At least with other London mayors, you were dealing with normal white people traditional English politicians, not some islamic terrorist in a necktie who carried on the British way of life.  I mean, the worst you could ever say about Boris Johnson was that his hair was strange, but then that's what everyone says about Carrot Head, too, and he won the you-know-what over here.  So who can really say?

One thing I can say, is that it when I was there, it was impossible to get through a meeting with Sadiq.  OMG, the hassles never stopped.  First, he didn't even want to meet with women, and if he did, you had to stay all the way on the other side of the room because he'd say, "You're unclean."  Then he'd blow kisses at Rashid, his assistant.   It's not like I was dying to shake his hand or anything, because let's face, you never know where those people's hands have been anyway.  It was more the principle of the thing.  I even volunteered to wear a towel on my head, but he just waved me off and mumbled something about a clitorectomy, which I thought was really rude.

So then we thought we were going to get on with the meeting, but have you ever tried getting business done with a muslim Mayor?  It's ridiculous. Those people pray about fifty thousand times a day.  Every time we got to a point where they were losing and we were winning, Khan would pop his head up and say, "So sorry, but it's time for midday prayer!"  Then they'd all face east, get under the table and murmur while the rest of us went looking for a Starbucks.  By the time we got back, they were all smiles, back at the table and welcoming us like a host at a Chinese restaurant.

I'm pretty sure that Sadiq Khan is pro-terrorist, too, because there are cheerleader outfits and pompoms hanging in the bathroom, along with rolled-up banners that say "GO JIHAD" in big green letters.  They think I didn't see, but during one of the trade sessions, I excused my self to go tinkle and sneaked a peak. You wouldn't believe the shit they had in the medicine cabinet. Lots of Zovorax, which make a lot of sense.

Anyway, I hope the British people can run those dark people out of the empire maintain their famous stiff upper lips and clean up those sewers that used to be charming white neighborhoods restore peace and order.  Hopefully, Londoners can elect a new mayor, too.  Someone who doesn't smell like curry.

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