Friday, March 24, 2017

March 24, 2017

Dear Diary,

What an exciting day! I'm tingling all over! I don't really knowing why I feel this way.  I'm sure it's because it's the first days of springtime, but Dr. Morell insists that it's probably my accidental double-dosing the Niacin, which is supposed to increase my mental acuity.  He pumps a few milligrams into me and then has me try to memorize lists of things, like dog, house, bribe.  Then I have to repeat the list to him.

It's boring but worth the heat rush.

I feel so fortunate to live in this great country of ours where rich people can afford any kind of medical care they can buy medical care is so available.  If I lived anywhere else in the world, I would never have access to nurses and specialists like Dr. Morell.  Every night, just before I go to bed, I still kneel and pray just like I did as a little girl.  I say, "Dear God, bless this wonderful country and Dr. Morell and all the white people my forefathers who built America into the great culture that's being destroyed by radical immigrant beasts I am so fortunate to enjoy.  Believe me, God, I know how lucky I was to be born here and not in one of those places where people don't even feel the flies crawling around on their faces."

After my prayers, I'd jump into bed and get all warm and cozy.  Sometimes, when I was sure nobody in the house was awake, I'd hug my pillow and practice what it would be like to kiss a sexy movie star.  I think I was 26 or 27 when I finally got the technique down, but by that time, Barbara Stanwyck and Joan Crawford were dead, so I had to focus on Michelle Pfeiffer.

Anyway, I sure hope that our great way of American medical care continues to advance.  I know you won't believe me, diary, but I was never a fan of Obamacare.  I knew it was unsustainable from the get-go, but try telling that to Obozo.  That man wouldn't hear of it.  It was always "my way or the highway" with him and nobody ever wanted to disagree with him because the minute you disagreed with him, he'd haul in Al Sharpton to declare you a racist.  As if that was going to make the plan work!  I am SO glad he's gone.  I hope he's happy riding his bicycles in Hawaii.  What a dick.

Now I hear that Carrot Head is trying to replace Obamacare.  Or repeal it.  Or something like that. I'm really not sure how anything works any more, but I do know that if I had won the you-know-what, things would be different.  I used to travel a lot as Secretary of State.  I'd travel to countries around the world to help them with their medical systems.

Maybe do something about all those flies.

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