Saturday, March 25, 2017

March 25, 2017

Dear Diary,

What a week.  I am SO glad it's over.  Even with the Xanax taking off the edge, I could tell that America was in pain with no real medical coverage.  See what I did there?  Pain?  Medical coverage?  This is a literary device that I learned in a college creative writing class.  I can't remember what it's called, but it's one of those things that makes readers think you're a lot smarter than you really are.

If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's when stupid people think they're smart.  Like that Paul Ryan.  I never trusted him, and not just because he's a non-woman.  Even back during the Obama years, I didn't appreciate the way he carried on as if he were some kind of right wing heartthrob.  I remember when he ran for Vice President with that other one -- what's his name?  The one whose hair looked like Paulie Walnuts on "The Sopranos?" Ugh.  This Aricept isn't helping.

Anyway, I do remember Ryan going all PX90 as if he were some hardbody Republican centerfold, telling everyone that John Boehner was a fake because his tan wasn't real and that a real Speaker of the House doesn't cry.  That was actually true for that bitch Pelosi, but Boehner would crank out the crocodile tears at just about anything: weather reports, card tricks, bus station grand openings -- you name it.  It was pretty disturbing, actually.

Now I hear that after all that talk, Carrot Head wasn't able to wreck Obamacare as fast as he'd hoped, which can mean only one thing:  Ryan's going to have plenty of time to do his PX90 workouts now.  He'll probably get cut from the team because he totally fumbled the ball on the one yard line.  See what I did there? Cut from the team? Fumbled the ball?  One yard line? I used another literary device, this time about sports!

Hey, maybe this literary stuff is a whole new career for me.  I bet I could write a swell children's book. About women and little girls.  Maybe some wizards and magic.  And good triumphing over evil!

But I have to move quickly. I hear Chel is almost finished dictating hers.  Apparently the editors don't accept submissions in crayon.


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