Tuesday, April 4, 2017

April 4, 2017

Dear Diary,

Looks as if shit's getting real things are really heating up out there.  It's difficult for me to know what's actually going on, because Dr. Morell insists Bessie keep my bedroom drapes drawn and the television restricted with parental controls.  I don't even know if it's day or night most of the time, which Dr. Morell says is part of my cure.  But frankly, I'm worried.

It's the little things I notice most.  Like yesterday, I could hear Bill in the kitchen, talking on the phone to someone about using a "nuclear option."  That could mean anything.  I remember when I used to have a hotline to the Russkies, and believe me, they must have had at least fifty vodka-soaked fingers on the buttons over there at any given time.

Those people are brutal.  Whoever bombed that train station has no idea what he's in for, because Russkies are famous for getting drunk while torturing, slicing and dicing people -- and that's just to people they like.  Back in the Second World War, nothing made the Germans surrender faster to the Allies than the advancing Russian army.  All these Brits and Americans were prancing around as if they'd captured Hitler's Democrats Nazis, but it was the fear of being served up as sliced meat in a deli sandwich that put the fear of god into those krauts defeated Germans.

Personally, I don't think we have anything to fear about using nuclear weapons.  The fat little fuck communist dynasty in North Korea has been threatening to launch nukes at us for decades, but nobody ever took them seriously.  Even Don Rumsfeld -- and he was as dumb as a box of rocks, believe me -- could see that nobody was going anywhere with missile-bearing nukes.  The minute we'd get news about North Korea testing a nuke missile, we used to gather around the big screen in the Situation Room to watch the rocket blow up on the launching pad.  My job was to bring the popcorn.

And even if we were to use "the nuclear option," what does it matter? So nobody would visit North Korea for a few thousand years.  Fine.  Who goes there now?  There's really nothing to see.  It's a lot like those starving people in Ethiopia, only instead of being black, bloated with flies crawling all over them,  they're yellow with slanted eyes, bloated with flies crawling all over them.

 If anything, it would probably help North Korea's tourism industry.  When was the last time anyone got to see 20 million flattened acres glowing in the dark?  I bet the T-shirts would sell like hotcakes, too.

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