Wednesday, April 12, 2017

April 12, 2017

Dear Diary,

I was feeling a little dizzy today. Dr. Morell thinks it's because of all the pollen in the springtime air, but I have a feeling that it has more to do with mixing too much of the Metamucil with the Ensure.  I'm no doctor, but I think he may be playing both ends against the middle here.  What good is getting all that nutrition if it just spews out like a fire hose at the other end?  This leaves me puzzled and spending far too much time on the toilet, with the only upside being that I have a lot more time to read the newspaper.  Bessie won't let me take the iPad into the bathroom.

Today I noticed that while everyone else is yammering on about some homo, drug dealing license-losing doctor unfortunate passenger getting his ass kicked being escorted off some domestic airline, nobody seems to notice that those slanty-eyed bastards North Koreans are up to their old tricks again. This time, I think it's serious, because the chinks Chinese and the Russkies are getting a little jumpy, too.

I sure hope Carrot Head knows what he's doing with North Korea. You really have to get inside these people's heads if you want them to take you seriously.  For example, you have to know how to use chopsticks like a pro.  One time, when I was in South Korea, I made the mistake of asking for a fork and everyone looked at me like I was from Mars!  You'd think I'd just threatened them with a nuke or something.  Big deal. They've all grown up using those damn sticks and they all have those tiny little hands so it's no problem for them.  Let's see any one of them try to change the oil on a '68 Chevy Malibu Super Sport.  Yeah.  Let's see who's laughing now.

I didn't get to read the entire article, but I did read how the Russkies were sending ships into the Sea of Japan and how the chinks China was massing a few hundred thousand troops on Korea's northern border.  This seems very inefficient to me.  I love Korean barbecue as much as the next person, but it's my understanding that most of these take-out places will deliver.  It all seems quite wasteful to me, but nobody ever cares what I think.  I was the most traveled Secretary of State in history and my phone isn't exactly ringing off the hook.

Bastards.  I'm sure it's because I'm a woman.

Men get all the breaks.  Tillerson hasn't been Secretary of State for a month and he's already got a nickname.  Everyone calls him "T-Rex."  When I was Secretary, the only nickname I ever got was "that bitch." I'm pretty sure it wasn't a term of endearment, either, although Huma used to try to make me feel better about it.

She used to call me "Honey Bear."

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