Thursday, April 20, 2017

April 20, 2017

Dear Diary,

Bessie must have confused my doses yesterday, because I don't remember much other than making a number two after breakfast and then sleeping all day.  Sometimes I think she and Dr. Morell have a thing going, but I can't prove it.  All I have are dreams of Bessie in some jungle dress being chased around my bedroom by an old man in uniform who keeps barking in German about how he's going to "invade Ethiopia." It's kind of creepy, but Dr. Morell assures me it's nothing to worry about and probably just a side effect of the Propofol.

I wouldn't blame Dr. Morell if he found Bessie attractive.  With her teeth in, she has a pretty smile that even an old, flabby white a man many years her senior would find stimulating.  Personally, I've never really found any man older men attractive.  I only did it that one time with Webb to let Bill off the hook because we needed to have a child for the brochures and Bill was shooting blanks.

I guess there are a lot of whores women who do like older men, though. Especially rich older men of great wealth wisdom.  Take Bill O'Reilly, for example.  I was overjoyed shocked when I heard that FOX fired that bastard him for sexual harassment.  Then again, O'Reilly had it coming.  They say he would have dinner with women and then invite them back to his room.  Imagine that.  A single man asking a woman out for a dinner and then inviting her back to his room!  Who does that? It's so sick. I suppose they had an "enjoyable conversation" and a few glasses of wine, too. Ugh! That's so bizarre.  I mean, whatever happened to glory holes normal romancing, like latex panties, spike heels and ball-and-gags and simply respecting a rough trade working relationship?

I'm glad to see O'Reilly go. He had his run and made gobs of dough, mainly by bashing me every chance he got.  He and that hamster-headed Hannity raked me over the coals while giving Carrot Head a free pass every time.  That's why I never went on their shows.  One time, I was about to go on O'Reilly's show but at the last minute, Donna Brazile wasn't able to get me the questions, so we faked an illness arranged "an emergency meeting" with some arab donor instead. Whew! Dodged THAT bullet.  I bet there probably would have been some math questions, too.

I'm pretty sure that FOX was going to fire O'Reilly, anyway.  I've noticed that they're dumping everyone over sixty in favor for more delicious-looking eye candy younger, hungrier journalists.  Sometimes I Bessie makes kettle corn and I watch them with the sound turned down.  Yummy.

Then I get bored and watch old reruns of "The Cosby Show."  Now there's a man I can respect.

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