Saturday, April 22, 2017

April 22, 2017

Dear Diary,

I just looked at the date of yesterday's newspaper, and if my math is correct, that makes today Earth Day, which is one of my very favorite holidays.  I like Earth Day for so many reasons:  It helps to protect our planet and you don't have buy anyone a gift it provides us a chance to teach our kids how to recycle, so that poor people don't need as much tax money we don't deplete our natural resources.

Most people don't know that Earth Day is a relatively new holiday.  It was started in 1970, by a man named Ira Einhorn, a man so dedicated to recycling that he stuffed his dead girlfriend into a trunk for seven years until the Feds nabbed him seven years later.  Apparently, his downstairs neighbors noticed some red goop dripping from their ceiling some time in 1977 and the jig was up.  He said he was composting, but nobody believed him  Nobody believes visionaries or pioneers.  It's always hate, hate, hate.

I can relate to that. Nobody wanted to listen to me, either.

Because I'm the optimistic person that I am, I choose to learn from Einhorn's more positive Earth Day contributions.  For example, whenever one of my enemies disappears we have trash to throw out, I always make sure to wear disposable rubber gloves that can't be traced or treated with Luminol can be recycled.  I know there are professionals who actually lay down a tarp and take off all their clothing when they chop up the body to catch every bit of evidence compostable material, but I stopped doing that in my forties. The loads were too heavy and they were causing terrible damage to my back.

To lift dead weight, you have to use your legs, which is no problem for me since 90% of my body weight is below my waist.  While that makes for a low center of gravity, it doesn't do much for a girl's figure.  I've seen myself in the mirror and between you and me, diary, it can be pretty disconcerting. Back in the seventies, Bill used to make me get naked, wear a red choker around my neck, stand me up against a wall and  call me "his little bowling pin."  To this day I won't visit Brunswick.

Of course,  now I realize it was pure misogyny, and probably why I lost the you-know-what.

Still, Earth Day holds a lot of meaning for me.  There's so much work left to do.  We need to re-use, recycle and replenish.  Except at Planned Parenthood.  We can just throw that stuff away. Maybe bury it in the backyard.  Nobody really has to know.

It'll be our little secret.

Subscribe for each day's entry by Email!