Monday, May 1, 2017

May 1, 2017

Dear Diary,

I just looked at the calendar and can't believe it's already the first day of May, which has a lot of significance for old people me.  The young folks today have no idea why May Day is celebrated around the world.  Let's face it, if it doesn't have to do with taking selfies to prove they were at Coachella, most young people have no idea why anything is happening.  They're so stupid impressionable.  Maybe they'd know more if they stopped protesting the minimum wage and actually started earning one.  How do they afford all those intricate tattoos? Hmmm.

I realize that I am from an age where even people in mental institutions knew how to read and learn history.  Maybe it's my Cold War background that never lets me forget that the first day in May is the worldwide celebration of Communism.  It's not actually called that, though.  I think they call it "International Workers Freedom Day," or something those blue collar dopes will buy into believe just enough to fork over those usurious union dues along those lines.  Anyway, it's a big deal in Commie controlled countries.  Almost as big as May the Fourth being Star Wars day is here.

Don't misunderstand me, I love union money the working class.  But I come from an age when Commies were considered a threat everywhere.  In those days, nobody really cared about the Chinks "Red China".  They had the bomb but no idea what to do with it. It was the Russkies that everyone watched out for.  They were mostly old, bald, evil white men who were intent on taking everything from the rich and ostensibly "giving it to the workers."  You know, like Bernie Sanders. Only the Russkies don't have beachfront property, so Bernie would have had to take the cash instead of buying that third vacation home.

A lot of the young idiots running around today millennials don't seem to know much about Communism, which is why you see them wearing Che Guevara t-shirts. They have no idea how cruel and murderous he was.  I think they just like his look, the same way girls in the seventies fell all over themselves when Paul McCartney grew a beard. I wish I could just shake some sense into those young, firm, braless women packed into their oh-so-tight, clingy, camel-toe revealing jeans. You can bet I'd give them a good tongue-lashing.

Back in the fifties, we had the Red Scare, when everyone was under suspicion of being a Communist.  A lot of people were accused of being commies and you could lose your job just for hanging around known party members.  Today, you just run for office, which explains a lot about Bernie Sanders, Jill Stein and Elizabeth Warren. On days when I'm more coherent, Bill and I crack open a few dozen cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and laugh at those guys. What a bunch of losers a great country this is, where opposing viewpoints are so openly tolerated.

Then again, none of them has been on suicide watch, hopped up on meds and confined to their beds since last November.

Well, there are still plenty of Commies around the world, but nothing's like it used to be.  Back in the day, May Day was the time they all would parade their intercontinental ballistic nucleaer-tipped missiles through the town square.  Now all we get is a little fat fuck in Korea with a bad haircut.

I miss the old days.

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