Thursday, May 4, 2017

May 4, 2017

Dear Diary,

I think the Librium is having the desired effect Dr. Morell was telling me about, because today I managed to let all my cares go and spend it with the family.  Chel brought over her half-Jew children and Bessie prepared a tray of tuna fish sandwiches to celebrate what the kids call "May the Fourth Be With You" Day.  Apparently, that's a pun on "May The Force Be With You" from some space movie they've all seen, but I don't get it.

Both kids were all dressed up in their costumes from the movie as they scrambled across my bed, spilling Kool-Aid on my blankets. The old me would have gotten all upset about their making a mess, but the medicated new me just figured that kids will be kids.  Besides, the stains pretty much blended in with the ones from my projectile vomiting.

The little boy was dressed as what he called a "wookie", but I'm a little concerned all that fur is actually a hormone issue. I'm going to see if it clears up by itself before I talk to Chel about it. The girl was all made up to look like Carrie Fisher, but the sticky buns kept falling off her head and she started crying when the dog ate one. Chel wasn't wearing any costume, but since she looks so much like Shrek anyway, I guess she figured she didn't have to.

Poor Chel.

Frankly, I could never understand what the big deal was about that space movie.  I remember when the first one came out during the seventies and Bill took me to see it, but for the life of me I can't recall a single thing about it. Quaaludes would do that.  We were young and newly married, and I had just moved into Bill's apartment.  Of course, I wanted to redecorate and Bill said that was fine with that as long as I didn't go into the second bedroom, which was dead-bolted shut 24 hours a day.  That was before there were "man caves," and since I was moving into his place, I figured he was entitled to his space.

I was planning to do the whole place in Laura Ashley, when one day I jimmied the lock found that the door to Bill's man cave was left open. The whole place was done up as sort of a dark dungeon, with candles on the floor and black hooded robes hanging on the wall and a huge poster of Carrie Fisher in a metal bikini that took up one entire wall.  The place hadn't been cleaned in months.  It took me three rolls of Bounty to get the dust off the furniture and two chisels and a hammer to get the crust off the poster.  But I wanted the place to look nice for Bill, because we were newlyweds.

I thought the whole thing was a little weird, but now that I think about it, I'm glad it was Carrie Fisher and not Leonard Nimoy.  That would have been really strange.

Well, I'd have to say the whole occasion was a major success, even though neither of the kids wanted to kiss grandma goodbye, which is just as well since they both smell like sauerkraut.  It turned out to be such a nice day that I decided to begin raising money -- again -- this time for a Resistance PAC.  I've got to do something to get the cash flowing again restore my public image.  My subscription to People magazine is about to expire.

Subscribe for each day's entry by Email!