Tuesday, May 9, 2017

May 9, 2017

Dear Diary,

It's been months since the you-know-what and truth be known, I'm having a difficult time holding my head up high. Dr. Morell says that it's the early effects of the Abilify and that over time my neck muscles will regain their strength.  Quite honestly, I'm really more concerned about my normally sunny disposition, which has disappeared ever since the Clinton Foundation went broke I gained that extra forty pounds.  I had no idea I was powering through those Frapuccino bottles that fast.  Bill kept handing them to me but I might as well have just rubbed them directly on to my thighs.

Another reason I'm depressed is that there's never any good news coming my way.  None of those disloyal turncoats my former staff returns my calls and every news channel reports nothing but bad news. Today, for example, one of those homosexual reporters on CNN was talking about Stephen Hawking, who apparently is some sort of genius astrophysicist, predicting the end of humanity in the next hundred years unless we explore space.

Seriously?  Is that all it takes to make headlines these days?

I couldn't believe how much air time this Hawking person got. Who is this guy? I mean, here's this little troll all smushed up in a wheelchair giving sermons about humanity like he's some kind of oracle.  Jeez-Louise, the man can't even talk without a a pair of double A batteries and he's giving out all kinds of opinions on just about anything and everything?  If he didn't have a Sears Die Hard driving that contraption, the only useful purpose he'd serve is as a breathing doorstop.

It's all so irritating.

I was the most traveled Secretary of State ever, and nobody ever made a soppy, maudlin movie about my life. But give a guy in a wheelchair a degenerative disease and just watch the offers from Hollywood come pouring in.  He's rolling laughing all the way to the bank, while I'm stuck here trying to figure out why Bessie can't get these yellow stains out of my footy pajamas.

Just because someone has a really high IQ doesn't mean they're smart about everything, you know. If he's so smart, how come he can't figure out how to get out of that wheelchair, huh? Maybe he's not as smart as he thinks he is.  I was tested years ago and my IQ score scored right between Beyonce and Sarah Palin, so I'm no slouch, believe me.

You know what takes real smarts? Staying out of jail optimistic during the very darkest times and standing up for yourself. Let's see him do that. See what I did there?  Yeah. What a poser.

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