Tuesday, May 16, 2017

May 16, 2017

Dear Diary,

It's sunny out today, and I look between the bars on my window, I can see the trees are still in bloom. That must mean it's spring, when the flowers grow and criminal investigations the days get longer. I always look forward to change of seasons, which remind me of Seth Rich. Seth is was always one of my favorite staffers on the Democratic National Committee, so I was shocked to learn of his murder accidental death during the you-know-what. That was during a change of season, too.  Sometime in July, I think.

For a non-woman, Seth was fairly tolerable and a hard worker.  That's why I was stunned to learn he was conspiring against me associating with that nasty Julian Assange person from Wikileaks.  I warned Seth to stay away from that trouble-making albino, but no.  Seth just gave me that "you're-a-woman-let-the-men-handle-it" look of condescension as he left for the Ecuadorian embassy in London. My first clue of his disloyalty something was afoot was finding out he'd upgraded his flight to Economy Plus and put it on my tab.  I still have the Expedia receipt.

Having Seth killed Disciplining Seth wasn't easy, because, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was in charge of drive-by shootings the DNC and if I recall correctly, at the time, she was not in Washington, D.C. She was probably getting her hair permed instead of taking care of business, which is a waste of time because everyone thinks that greasy hair makes her look like a drowned rat.  I think she uses Afro-Sheen on it, but it really doesn't help. What are you going to do? If she wants to go out of the house looking like a cheap whore on the docks, I guess that's her business.

Anyway, something had to be done I thought a lot about Seth, and when I got news he was ready to leak damaging information about me considering pursuing other career interests, I immediately called him to pinpoint his location for the hit squad express my best wishes on his short future.  Then, when I heard he'd been shot walking home, I was very upset, mainly because I specifically ordered him to be stabbed, which makes far less noise and bullets are expensive I believe that every man's death diminishes us all.

After that, all hell broke loose with police going over budget on bribes to stonewall their investigations private investigators getting involved. Now the whole thing is just a big mess and even the DNC can't manufacture fictional stories about Carrot Head fast enough to distract attention from the story.  We should hire some of those right wing meme artists.  They may be deplorable, but they sure know what hell they're doing.  Not like the morons staffers on my team.  All my people do is swap stories about how much many they made selling "Madame President" issues of Newsweek on EBay.

And to top it off, I'm fresh out of Xanax.  Ugh.  This is not going to be a good day.

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