Tuesday, May 30, 2017

May 30, 2017

Dear Diary,

Had my ear to the wall again, where I heard some muffled voices from Bill's big screen in the next room. I couldn't make it all out, but the basic idea is that Carrot Head might be in some real trouble because his Jew son in law has some backchannel deal going on with the Russkies.

Oh boy!

Not that I have any real issue with backchannels. Every royal dynasty administration has to have the means to start and continue dialogs before it starts murdering people things become official.  You can't just blurt out stuff to the public without setting up your alibis planning and securing preparations. Everyone does it, because sometimes you have to keep things secret.

During the you-know-what, we used backchannels and codes a lot. During our staff meetings, for example, I'd look at Huma and ask, "Do you take cream in your coffee?" which was code for, "Are you bringing the massage oils later this afternoon?"  And then, if she was, she'd respond with, "Yes, please...cream and sugar!"  The "and sugar" part meant she had planned a special surprise for me, like a new whip or a crotchless costume from the Pleasure Chest.

Sometimes, usually when Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was boring everyone with poll numbers in Pennsylvania, I'd make eye contact with Huma and tap on my coffee cup with a pencil and Huma would tap back.  We'd very subtly do the "shave and a haircut, two bits" thing.  I'd do the "shave and a haircut" and she'd tap back, "two bits."  Then she'd look at me with her big camel eyes and I'd get all squishy and excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

Backchannels are very useful for information that can keep you out of jail is best kept confidential. A lot of national security issues begin and end with backchannels.  Actually, a lot of our staffers do, too. You can bet that the whole Seth Rich thing a lot of our foreign diplomacy required a lot more than a few taps on a coffee cup, though.  In that case, we used professionals the same guys who did the Vince Foster job.  Nobody can make two shots to the back of the head look like suicide like Igor and Alexei as go-betweens.

I hope that Schumer and his gang of idiots the other senators to start another lynch mob pursue the matter. That Kushner guy is so pretentious. Jesus, I have shoes older than he is, but give a kid a head full of hair mousse and tens of millions of dollars, and all of a sudden he thinks he's some kind of backchannel pro.

I think I have Igor and Alexei's number here somewhere.

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