Friday, June 2, 2017

June 2, 2017

Dear Diary,

Even from my room, with the windows barred and the doors dead-bolted, I can tell that this whole Paris Agreement thing has people in a tizzy. I think Carrot Head really stepped in it "bigly" this time, because for the last two decades, over 151 countries have been flying their private jets around the world invested a lot of time to make it look like this public relations stunt program really works.

Not everyone here in the USA was happy with Carrot Head's decision, either. Most of the sheep uneducated masses supporters were disappointed, including Elon Musk, who I hear quit his position as advisor. Elon is a nice enough boy, but let's face it, he's not exactly the most knowledgeable fellow you're going to meet.  Everything with him boils down to two things: Batteries and hot women.  Put him in the room with Amber Heard and a vibrator and the guy's in absolute heaven.

Although Elon likes to put himself out there as this fascinating guy, he's just another tech nerd who poops hundred dollar bills. You can be at a cocktail party with him and if he isn't boring you with how he invented PayPal, he's fiddling with the fondue set and pestering the host with questions like, "Did you know there are electric fondue sets now? Get with it!"

He can't dance to save his life, either. Huma and I saw him at a pizza party once and everyone was laughing because he couldn't keep a beat. It looked like he was have a grand mal seizure out there, except he wasn't vomiting.  Drooling, but not barfing. I bet that's why he keeps getting divorced. Even with all his money, it's humiliating.

Confidentially diary, I suspect that losing Musk from his team is no great loss for Carrot Head. For a guy who's supposed to be really smart, Elon thinks with the wrong head, if you get my drift. Here's a savant who invents Tesla cars, hyperloops, Paypal and SpaceX and he still can't figure out the whores women he marries stay with him just long enough to seal the deal by cranking out a kid or two?

I also found out he's really South African, but I have to hand it to him. He can pass for white.

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