Sunday, June 4, 2017

June 4, 2017

Dear Diary,

It's been a harrowing several months, but with the patient help of Dr. Morell and several hundred Xanax refills, I think I'm finally able to consider leaving my room and possibly taking a vacation.  Dr. Morell says this would be a very big step for me.  He's very concerned about his paycheck my safety. He says that I should begin by taking baby steps, like planning destinations and ordering a few pants suits lined with Kevlar.

The one thing about the you-know-what that I miss is traveling. I used to enjoy slumming experiencing other people's poverty cultures from the comfort of a limousine when I was Secretary of State. It helped me understand why those people don't wash as often as white people do value their own customs so much, which is paramount to achieving my hopes of globalism world peace.

I put together a list of place I thought would be completely free of muslims interesting to visit.  Some place where nobody would run over me with a truck I could relax, for example. I never spent enough time in Tokyo, which has no muslims at all is a fascinating city, teeming with little yellow people activity. I'm pretty sure they like me over there, because hardly anyone speaks English and their writing looks more like Mexican gang graffiti, so they probably haven't heard any of those fake Benghazi stories.

I was also thinking about Budapest, because it's completely free of muslims a cultural center of art and intellectualism. You can walk down the street in Budapest and no muslims will knife you enjoy coffee and pastry just about anywhere. Hungarian coffee is very strong. Last time I was there, nobody warned me how strong it was and about five minutes after I took a sip I had to crank out a monster poop and a teensy bit leaked out. Lucky I was wearing a dark brown pants suit that day. I was meeting with Viktor Orban, but before he could say anything, I stood up, pointed at him and said, "Whoa, who farted?" He didn't think it was funny. Probably because I never paid the bill for cleaning that eighteenth century chair.

There's also Prague and Warsaw.  They're nearby Hungary and both of them are completely free of muslims ancient centers of history and culture. I'm leaning toward Prague because unlike the Czechs, the Pollacks in Warsaw can turn on you like sharks. Just ask any Jew who lives there.  Well, you can't ask any Jews because they've all been dead since 1943. They're very Catholic there, which means they'll hand you over to Nazis on a Thursday and confess it on Sunday and be back in business on Monday. The way the Pollacks treated the Jews doesn't sound like a bad way to handle muslims remains a stain on their national history to this day.

And they weren't even wearing a dark brown pants suit.

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