Thursday, June 8, 2017

June 8, 2017

Dear Diary,

Even through my pharmaceutical haze, I can tell you there's no pride like being a criminal on the loose mother. Today I was especially proud of Chel, because her new book was ghostwritten for her published! Nothing gives a mother more joy than paying her child's way seeing her grow up to become as big a fraud accomplished as other felons her parents.  After all, I was Secretary of State and Webb is a successful lawyer Bill, of course, twice did what I couldn't do became Commander in Chief, even though I got way more of the popular vote than he ever did.

I know that Chel put in a lot of work on this book. You can immediately tell it's her style, because it has really large type and bunches of pictures. I guess it's for kids, because Chel isn't exactly a literary genius. She still gets her little "Q" confused with her little "G". The book is called "She Persisted," which is basically a child's version of brainwashing the old "Little Engine That Could" story.

Chel's story is about female pirates and criminals famous women who have their enemies killed never give up on their dreams. For example, there's one part where an evil gnome named Seth betrays the great queen and ends up with two bullets in the back of his head on the streets of the kingdom.  After Seth is dispatched, everyone in the kingdom learns his lesson and obeys the great queen from then on.

That's just one of the stories. There are lots more.  One chapter has the great queen in a dangerous place called Benghaziland, where the queen hears about two evil Marine guards, an ambassador and his staff falling victim to a mean person's video. At first, the great queen is accused of negligence scared she'll go to jail lose her magic powers, but she keeps persisting and eventually pays off the media to distract the public with stories about the FBI director the castle tribunal forgets all about it.

The book has all kinds of stories like that. There aren't any actual photographs because I had Podesta destroy all the evidence, but the drawings are awfully cute.  Chel even has a part about a little genies named Loretta meeting the king on a magic carpet and then making the whole thing disappear!

It's a very inspirational little book and provides an important voice to young potential criminals women and non-women everywhere. I just hope there's enough in the checking account to buy out all the copies.  I wouldn't want Chel to feel like a failure. Poor thing already has to look in the mirror every day.

That can't be easy.

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