Friday, June 9, 2017

June 9, 2017

Dear Diary,

I had a few moments to myself today and got to thinking about how I'm not getting any younger. Maybe all this persistence stuff isn't worth the effort.  After all, even if it did work, by the time I could claim the throne be elected to office, I'd be well on my way to my 80s and if John McCain is any indication, maybe we should all be mercifully put down like Old Yeller at 79.

It was pretty sad watching John up there during the Comey hearings. He had no idea which end was up, which probably means those cancerous lumps on his face have finally leached into his brain it's about time he stepped down from his office.  I understand that one begins to decay as she ages, which is why, for example, you'll never hear me complain about my knees knocking into my nipples. The trick is being able to age gracefully. At some point, a person just has to accept he has the mental acuity of an avocado and move on.

It really is too bad about John, though. For a non-woman, he looked pretty good in a uniform. I'm not talking about the years he spent in a Vietnamese tiger pit. From what I hear, those things were awful. Apparently, the gooks people of Asian descent kept Americans in large pits, where soldiers would pee and poop on the prisoners. There was no dry cleaning. No room service. And the food was awful -- nothing but little bowls of rice that you had to eat with your fingers. I would have switched hotels, but for some reason, John spent years there.

Maybe all those years took their toll on John. That Arizona sun can make you pretty soft in the head, too. I used to use a sun roof back when the secret service goons detail would take me out for a car ride. I'd tell them to drive real fast and then I'd stand up through the roof and let the wind blow my tongue to the side. When we got back it would take Bessie about an hour to scrub the crusted slobber off my face. I enjoyed it until that time I got low-bridged by an oak tree. We were only doing about 60, but when I woke up three days later, I had a whole new set of dentures ready and waiting.

Ah, good times, good times.

Dinner was great! Bessie mixed a can of tuna into the mac and cheese and we pretended it was a casserole.  Yummy!

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