Saturday, June 10, 2017

June 10, 2017

Der Diary,

Dr. Morell says that six months of bed rest is probably enough if I'm going be serious about all this "resist and persist" stuff. He maintains that while drugs can help diffuse reality my state of mind, it's time I develop some new interests to get my mind off the you-know-what. We both agreed that I should take up some kind of hobby, so I spent the day thinking on that.

Obviously, basketball and jogging are out because I could be accosted by dark people my sense of balance still isn't what it should be. Also, keeping secret service agents within six feet at all times means I'm limited to taking three-point shots, when my real strength has always been driving to the net. At least it was when I played in college. There was a six foot point guard from Vassar who was just dreamy a real competitor and challenged me to draw fouls all the time. I'd run into her full tilt as often as I could because those were the days before Title XI, and women's sports didn't get the same funding as guys did. We had no money for real sports equipment, so she never wore a bra. The foul shots were worth it, let's just leave it at that.

Anyway, my attorneys' advice physical condition prevents me from venturing outside too much, so the hobby has to be something I can do right here in my bedroom. Bessie came up with a really good idea of starting a doll collection. She says her grandmother in Haiti still has her collection from when she was a little girl and it's really fun. All you do is collect dolls and name them and make them look like people you hate know. Then you pin them to a board with long, sharp needles under a pentagram.

I thought this was a fun idea, except that I had no way of getting dolls. Bessie mentioned that they don't have to be dolls in the traditional sense.  She said we could use the horse flies that collect on the window sill, because we have plenty of them and they're slow and easy to catch, especially after a rat dies inside the walls.  It stinks up the place for a few days, but after that, we get some pretty meaty flies. Some are almost as big as your fist.

The trick is going to be getting the needles, as I'm still not permitted to handle sharp objects they have to be special ordered, but Bessie says we can use the stapler in Bill's office in the meantime.

This is going to be fun! I've already picked out the first two names for the dolls: Donald and Melania. No, it's not what you think. It's just a coincidence.

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