Saturday, June 17, 2017

June 18, 2017

Dear Diary,

I'm still under house arrest doctor's orders not to leave my room, which is kind of getting on my nerves. Also, the chain cuffed to my ankle is causing a lot of chaffing.  On days when she vacuums and dusts, Bessie sometimes draws back the blackout curtains and I get a glimpse of the sunlight. It makes me want to go outside and kill people get back to nature, especially now that the days are longer and traitors are easier to target when they take early evening walks the flowers are in bloom.

I feel the need to get back to murder nature.

I've asked Dr. Morell to approve a little indoor garden to help lift my spirits. I think it makes a person feel better when they make things grow and aside from this lump on my neck, I haven't really seen anything grow in a while. I don't think armpit hair counts, either.  Dr. Morell mentioned that the last time we tried a little window box garden I ended up eating all the leaves off the geraniums and had to have my stomach pumped.  But that was then and this is now.  I think I convinced him I deserve another chance.

My suggestion was a little marijuana garden on the window sill. I did a little research and apparently it's perfectly legal to grow a few plants, just for personal use.  All the potheads I know research says that pot can help with all kinds of symptoms, but Dr. Morell pointed out it can also make a person paranoid.  I had to laugh at the one.  Me.  Paranoid. Ha ha.

Bessie was all for the idea and told Dr. Morell that a little marijuana was perfectly safe, because if I eat the leaves on those plants, the worst that can happen would be me getting a raging case of the munchies. As long as we had enough Doritos and bean dip in the house, she assured the doctor everything would be fine.

I guess that did the trick, because Dr. Morell has approved it on a trial basis. Bessie is very eager to help out. She has friends in Haiti who can help us out, including leasing a warehouse in the Bronx with grow lights and drip irrigation systems, whatever that means.

It's great to have a hobby again. Things are looking up!

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