Boy, it sure feels like summer now. Last night was so hot that I kicked off the covers and had to ask Bessie to loosen the belts on the straitjacket. Even at midnight, I was sweating like a whore in church, which kept me awake the rest of the night, thinking about this whole climate change thing.
Last year, all through the you-know-what,
Ever since the you-know-what, I just don't trust science as much as I used to. These are the same kind of knuckleheads whose "research" indicated I didn't have to visit Pennsylvania or Wisconsin and that "Michigan wouldn't be any problem." Now they're telling me the earth is heating up, but that I can't use my air conditioner because it enlarges my carbon footprint? This makes very suspicious. It also makes me very uncomfortable, because too much sweat makes my bottom stick to the rubber doughnut.
Back in the good old days, we all used to
You know who never goes hungry? Al Gore. He makes a ton of dough off the whole global climate gambit. He's just about the only who can afford a private jet now, because he sold his TV network to the arabs for a zillion dollars. Also, he divorced that whiny Tipper, so he's living La Vida Loca while everyone else is scratching it out for cash. Turns out he was a lot smarter than we thought.
Fat, but smart.