Tuesday, June 27, 2017

June 27, 2017

Dear Diary,

Lunch today was depressing. Tuna fish on white bread again. Bessie says that until my dentures come back from the shop, I have to stick to soft foods I can gum down without choking. So for the last week, it's been mushy sandwiches and fruit smoothies. I like the smoothies, but for the life of me can't figure out what the lumps at the bottom are. They're too red and meaty to be boba. I just gulp them down because Dr. Morell says I need every ounce of nutrition I can get.

I've also noticed our mouse problem has gone away.

Bill actually came in to see me today and looked as if he'd seen a ghost. He said he had some bad news. Apparently, CNN has been deliberately pushing the Russia story about Carrot Head, even though they know the story is totally fake. Some person has a CNN producer on video tape admitting that the CEO of CNN, Jeff Zuckerberg, knows that the Russia story attracts higher ratings, so he keeps pushing it.

I was just about to lecture Bill about how none of that could be true, because our bribes to relationship with CNN covered the whole year, not just through the you-know-what. Then I remembered that the payments started before the you-know-what, and with the Clinton Foundation flat broke, our checks must have bounced.

It's embarrassing, but not really fatal. When Bill finally stopped crying, I told him we had nothing to worry about, because if CNN were busted for pushing fake news, how would the mainstream media know the story about fake news wasn't fake news itself?  Who cares if they have videotapes? I learned from the palestinians a long time ago that the best fake stuff is on video.

If Huma were here, she could have connected us with a palestinian, but since she's not, I gave him Christiane Amanpour's number.  She's been faking it with palestinians for ages.  That seemed to make him feel better. I knew it would, because I remember back in the nineties, when he used to watch Christiane on CNN, dropping his hand into his lap and mumbling about how "that chick really knows how to wear a sweater."

For some reason, I have a strong craving for cheese.

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