Tuesday, July 18, 2017

July 18, 2017

Dear Diary,

Got up early today, because around here, it's Taco Tuesday and I didn't want to be late for lunch. Even though I'm on a severely restricted diet, Dr. Morell says that if I keep the menu limited to hard shell tacos, I should be okay because they have almost no gluten in them.

For all these years, I had been wondering why I've had to eliminate people who disagree food that disagrees with me, but thanks to Dr. Morell, now I know the problem: I was too easy on them gluten!  I didn't even know what a gluten was until he explained to me it's the stuff that makes bread and stuff spongey and soft.  In fact, the chewier it is, the more gluten thingies there are.

Dr. Morell says that "you are what you eat," and that too many glutens can make me irritable. Now that I think about it, I ate a lot of hot dog buns during the you-know-what. I also drank my share of beer and scotch, which probably made me a bear to live with! It's always good to know that there's something you can blame a reason for feeling so irritable and angry.  In fact, if any of that Seth Richards stuff ever ends up in court, our team of Jew lawyers says a "diminished capacity by over-ingestion of gluten food products" defense is a slam dunk.

Hey, it worked for Dan White when he gunned down George Moscone and Harvey Milk. He blamed Twinkies for everything and dodged a serious bullet.  Nobody thought that Twinkie defense would work, seeing as how a hundred million school kids were keeping Hostess afloat every day at lunch time without one school teacher ever getting taken out, but it did. Only did seven years for pre-meditated murder. I could do that standing on my head.

This seems like a good move to me. Those Jew lawyers are worth every penny we overpay them. Bill originally wanted to hire a team of black Afro-American lawyers, because he thinks it's better optics for us, politically. But I know that community.  They almost always take a plea because they think doing time earns them street cred. That doesn't work for me. I'd rather put a cap into a witness take my chances in front of a judge.

Anyway, I love Taco Tuesdays! I just hope I don't find more rat parts in the ground beef like I did last time. Bessie is a pretty good cook, but she can get a little sloppy every now and then.

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