Friday, July 21, 2017

July 21, 2017

Dear Diary,

Seeing as nobody other than Chel is returning my phone calls, I'm beginning to think that perhaps my political image could use a bit of sprucing up. After the you-know-what, I've left a lot of voicemail for a lot of ungrateful backstabbers my colleagues, although nobody is taking the bait seems interested in getting my ass on the throne me back into the game.  But I'm a resister. I'm a persister! And I think I may have come up with a way to become relevant slap a big red reset button on my career:

I want to make a biopic movie. I was previously thinking about a Broadway show, but this would be way bigger.  It would be my life story and explain to people why I require constant medical supervision am the deserving, incredibly overlooked person I am.  The way I see it, if a movie can get people to see beyond Al Gore's bloated self-importance, they'll buy anything it might turn some heads my way.

It's just a concept at this point, but it would be a lightly fictionalized version of my life, starting out in childhood and going through some intense dramatic action sequences, like when I dodged all that gunfire at the airport in Afghanistan. I also made notes on how we can spin all the murders I've ordered mysterious deaths surrounding us into a suspenseful plot by the Russians to kill me. Sort of a Tom Cruise kind of thing.

I have a lot of industry people in Hollywood that could probably make this work. Clooney and Streisand always told me I had star quality. At one fundraiser, they prodded me on to the stage where I sang, "I Enjoy Being A Girl," and then apologized later for someone having turned off my microphone halfway through the song. The bandleader was a homo who was pretty mean about it, too. I could have sworn I heard him mutter something about an "old whore with a tin ear," but George says I was imagining things. Probably a Sanders voter.  Who cares? I don't see this as a musical.

I'm playing around with working titles, too. So far, I like "She Could Have Been Queen," which has an Anne Hathaway feel to it and "American Train Wreck," which is more Christian Bale.  I have more, but those are my favorites.

The big question is who would play me in the movie. I know Meryl Streep would leap at the chance, but I'm holding out for someone a bit more real and true to life.  I'm thinking John Lithgow. He's taller than me, but we could shoot around that. After all, Alan Ladd was only five foot two.

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