Saturday, July 22, 2017

July 22, 2017

Dear Diary,

Either Dr. Morell has seriously upped the Zoloft, or Bessie mixed up the decaf with the regular again. Any way you look at it, I spent the day in a really good mood, with more energy than I've felt in a long time. It was just one of those days when I decided not to be a poopy-pants and start changing my attitude. So I took off my helmet and climbed up to the top shelf of the closet to get my record collection.

Actually, I haven't bought a record in decades. In fact, I don't really own any records. I still have my eight track tapes from when I was in college.  Boy, did those bring back memories! Most people don't know it, but at one time, I could really boogie down with the best of them. I'd get out there on the disco floor with the cutest girl I could find which was often lit from the bottom, so that you could see up women's dresses looked better than the usual top-lighting, which always accentuated my eye bags.

Bessie plugged in the eight track and I immediately started dancing to "Rock the Boat," by the Hues Corporation. I had the best moves on that one. The one advantage of being bottom-heavy is that it gets a lot of attention when you swing it out there under the lights. To this day, I'm sure that's how I began attracting the black African American vote. Those people love a big booty, which was a big relief for me, because I'd spent most of my life sweating to the oldies, trying to unload the junk in my trunk. That didn't work so well and no matter how many time I washed them, I never could get the sweat smell out of those polyester shirts. They're still pretty ripe, even after all these years.

I spent most of the afternoon dancing around my cell room, and was feeling really great until Bessie noticed she'd missed giving me my Librium with my grilled cheese sandwich. She got a little rough with me, but when she finally pinned my shoulders to the floor and pinched my nostrils, I had no choice but to take the pill, which knocked me out quicker than a right hook from Iron Mike. Must have slept a solid 18 hours, but all that dancing can really take it out of you!

Woke up in time for breakfast, though. We had pancakes.

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