Saturday, July 29, 2017

July 29, 2017

Dear Diary,

Thank goodness Carrot Head has finally made some changes in the palace White House. While Dr. Morell still doesn't allow me to watch the news on a daily basis, I get dribs and drabs when he visits, because he leaves his iPhone on the table when he gives me those injections that make me sleepy. I can see the news alerts that flash on the screen, and if I'm wearing my black-framed retard glasses, I can even read the fine print.

Tee Hee.

This week, I figured out that Carrot Head playing musical chairs again, with Reince Preibus getting the axe. I knew Reince could never hold on to that job. Everyone knew. For one thing, he was never a true fan of Carrot Head. But let's be real: Reince just was never butch strong enough for the job, anyway. You'd have to know Reince to appreciate just how much of a wimp he is.

First off, his name isn't really Reince. It's Reinhold. Who names their kid Reinhold? If you want to give your non-woman child a strong self-image that starts with an "R," it has to be something strong, like Rebecca or Rosemary. Those are strong names.  Also, when you give your kid a Nazi name, you're just asking for trouble. I'm sure his parents sent him to school in a blazer, knee socks and shorts, and that kids in grade school taunted him with shouts of "sigheil" in the milk line.

That has to hurt.

You also have to take into account that Reince was never a varsity team player. He was always the kid who was too short or too small to play on the team, so the only way he could letter in the sport was by handing out towels and making sure the ball was wiped clean. Not exactly Mr. Alpha Male, if you know what I mean. I'm sure he did great in sewing class and can whip up a magnificent quiche, but that doesn't cut it with a guy who pours ketchup on his steaks.

So it's no surprise that Carrot Head brought in a Marine to take command. I've seen John Kelly in action. He takes no prisoners. When he orders his hash browns crisp, you better check twice they're not soggy or you could find your ears hanging on the handlebars of his bike. Seriously. If there are leakers in the palace White House, they'll disappear pretty quickly. One way or the other.

I guess since Carrot Head never did any military time, he's finally surrounding himself with a hard-bitten, hard-drinking band of brothers. And with Priebus out, you know, I'm sure everyone will be a lot more comfortable in showers.

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