Tuesday, August 15, 2017

August 15, 2017

Dear Diary,

Well, now I've heard everything. I guess some neo-Nazis started a march to preserve a Confederate statue somewhere in North Carolina and things really got out of hand. From what I gather, the guys on the right showed up for the march and were met by guys on the left and then everything went straight to hell. I guess a few people died, but I didn't know them so I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about it.

Honestly, I just don't understand what all the hoopla is about. All that Civil War stuff is so yesterday. I mean, it's over. We have more important evils to deal with now, like Justin Bieber and the Kardashians. Besides, what's the big deal of getting rid of e-mails a history that offends people? If you get rid of the evidence, it's like it never happened. At least that's what Podesta told me before the Feds found that server in my bathroom. I really hate John. Other than knocking off a few people on my list managing the last phase of the you-know-what -- also known as My Own Private Holocaust -- he's been a complete waste of space.

I suppose I should be appalled at what happened in Charlottesville, because it's a better look if I show concern none of it had to happen. You'd think those morons protestors would have known how to kill people just by doing a search on the interwebs stay clear of trouble. Everyone knows that if you want to take out confront your enemies adversaries, the correct way to do it is after dark when there are no witnesses through the system. That's why there are hit men courts.

The worst part is that they're all fighting over stuff that was settled over a century ago. Today, America is a much fairer place, where every Negro Afro-American, wetback Latino person, woman and every other non-male, non-Caucasian can win a government contract even if their bids are 10% higher than the lowest bid from a white man's. That's why the Clinton Foundation always submitted bids signed by our resident female, black dwarf, who is also blind, for good measure. If she gets past the first round, Bill hits her in the kneecap with a baseball bat so her limp is more pronounced.

Like I said, you have to work within the system.

That whole thing about the rebel flag doesn't make much sense, either. Do these people realize that if we outlaw that flag, that's the end of The Dukes of Hazard? Believe me, you can't outrun revenuers or jump over backwoods creeks in a Prius. And if they take those reruns off the air, all I'd have to watch is Jeopardy. I suck at that show.

My tummy hurts. I probably should have taken the Xanax after my Cream of Wheat.

Subscribe for each day's entry by Email!