Wednesday, August 16, 2017

August 16, 2017

Dear Diary,

My goodness, it's bad enough that Dr. Morell doesn't allow me access to the daily news, but now I'm totally confused: Is North Korea blowing us up or not? One minute that little pudgy boy is threatening to nuke Oahu and the next minute it's like it never happened.  I don't get what's going on. Seems to me that over something like that, people would be dancing in the streets instead of running over protesters in the streets. It's weird. Something's going on and I'm sure it's not the Demerol talking.

When Bill and I were young, we did a lot of protesting, mainly on college campuses where people were mostly white it was safe and there were hardly any Negroes or Jews acts of violence. In those days, nobody ever got killed or run over by a Dodge. We'd all pile into an administration building and make people step over us to get to their offices, or if we were really angry, we'd boycott grapes. Believe me, cops think twice before messing with kids who haven't showered in a week. We got pretty ripe in there.

Now I hear everyone is all up in arms about Confederate statues. Apparently they want to tear them all down, which frankly, I don't understand. It seems so unnecessary when you've got CNN, the New York Times, MSNBC and George Soros in your pocket your society is based on free expression. Sure, we all make mistakes. Even George Washington owned slaves and Thomas Jefferson not only owned them, he banged a few. I didn't believe it either until I had Bessie Google "Sally Hemings." Boy, now there's a story for you!

So what if the Confederacy sponsored slavery? That's so yesterday. I mean, what difference does it make? I agree that racism and slavery are terrific ways to lower labor costs terrible institutions, but I have a solution to settling all those old debts with non-Caucasians. If I were queen Commander in Chief, instead of granting reparations to them, I'd sponsor legislation to distribute music royalties from rap and that hoppity-hop jungle music they all like so much. That makes so much more sense than a government bailout: It would help empower those peasants unfortunates and at least we won't have to listen to that awful noise they can enjoy culturally-appropriate music.

See? This stuff is easy if you just swallow enough Xanax take a few minutes to think it through. I should write another book. This stuff is pure gold.

Subscribe for each day's entry by Email!