Thursday, August 17, 2017

August 17, 2017

Dear Diary,

I can tell something is terribly wrong with Bill. Although Dr. Morell deadbolts my bedroom door every day at 4 P.M., the floorboards in the hallway always squeak when someone walks by, and from the constant, regular squeaking, I can tell Bill is pacing. He only paces when he's in big trouble and yesterday the floorboards were squeaking for hours.  I know it wasn't him humping an intern. That has a totally different rhythm and only lasts for five or six minutes. This went on for hours!

I also know from years of listening at the door that this is his "FBI pace," which means he must be super freaked out about another FBI investigation. I'm betting it must be the Loretta Lynch stuff, because the first time the Feds came after him, we had enough cash in the Clinton Foundation to "take care of everyone." Since the Foundation went flambée, though, things have been a lot tougher.

I guess Bill's getting a little long in the tooth and maybe too old for this stuff. You should have seen him back in the Monica Lewinsky days. Even I had to admit he would stroll through the palace grounds White House like Superman without a cape. I remember him being interviewed by one of those old bitch reporters with hairy upper lips -- it was either Leslie Stahl or Andrea Mitchell, I always get those two confused. They kept asking him about stains and blue dresses and Bill didn't flinch. He just lied to their faces used his homeboy charm to wiggle out it. I don't think he actually banged either one of them, because even he has standards. Whores are one thing, but reporters? I don't think so.

Some judge has decided the Feds can go after Bill and Loretta for that airplane thing. Or e-mails. Who knows? I mean, what difference does it make? The judge has 24 hour body guards issued the ruling, which means our people can't get to him this is going to run up huge legal bills. I knew we should have bought into that prepaid legal services thing, but you can't tell Bill anything. He insists on paying Jews top dollar for legal and accounting, because "you get what you pay for." Right. Tell that to his dollar-a-dance strippers.

This whole thing has given me a headache. Why can anyone stop that telephone from ringing????  It's only 2 P.M. and my next Lorazepam doesn't kick in until four.  Not a good day.

Subscribe for each day's entry by Email!