Monday, September 11, 2017

September 11, 2017

Dear Diary,

Today is one of the worst days in history that few Americans will ever forget. I know I won't, because it was on this very day last year that Podesta and Wasserman-Schultz showed me poll numbers that assured me of my winning the you-know-what. I was supposed to be up by as much as fifty points -- that's five zero -- in virtually all the important states, with clear sailing to the finish line. By that time, Bernie Sanders was little more than a flattened fly on the windshield and I had no idea what lay ahead.

All seemed right with America. And then the unthinkable happened.

Today, I join the rest of good, law-abiding voters Americans in recalling how our lives changed that fateful day in September. I felt a very personal loss on 9/11. I recall being very angry about how some kind of traffic snarl in downtown Manhattan resulted my limousine running late. Some kind of construction accident or something. I forget exactly what, because I had an appointment to have my nails filled and was over an hour behind schedule.

I recall feeling things had gotten extremely serious, as nobody does nails as well as those zipperheads Vietnamese women and it's nearly impossible for them to fit you in. On top of that, they charge for missed appointments, which I think shows a lot of nerve considering we nearly bombed them out of existence the first time.

I don't blame my girl,  little Phuk Mi, for charging as much as she does, though. She does great work and I'm sure those little surgical masks cost a fortune. That's why I always tip her at Christmas. No cash, though. I have Bessie bring home boxes of chocolates from Costco. They're like ten bucks a box.

Along with the rest of the nation in mourning, I had to endure that entire week without having my nails done. It was very sad, but I responded with a new determination to never let anything like this ever happen again. I immediately found an Armenian woman whose work is as good as Phuk Mi's, but charges only half as much and is within walking distance from our townhouse.

I hope we as a nation have learned our very painful lesson. Still, the week of 9/11 will always be enshrined in my heart. It is one of heartbreak and loss and personal sacrifice. But I have to say, my nails look fabulous.

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